Last week I wrote about the whole question of where sex starts and how, even before you get physical, you need to create anticipation, buildup, and desire. Stimulating your partner’s brain is as important as stimulating other bits.

So, as I promised at the end of that column, here’s some advice on how to stimulate each other without even taking your clothes off.

Stimulate each other’s ego. We all love to have our egos stroked. It makes us feel sexy, alive, and at the top of our game. But amidst the day-to-day grind, we forget that our partner needs our attention and admiration. “But she knows I think she’s amazing,” the guys say. Yes, but telling her on a regular basis will get you laid more regularly, I promise.

Remember how much fun flirting was when you were first dating? When you were working for it? Trust me, it’s just as much fun when you’ve been together for a while. Even more so because you know the person’s going to go home with you at the end of the night.

During conversation, touch your partner’s elbow or rest your hand on their knee. Play footsie under the table. At parties, flash each other a seductive smile across the room. Next time you’re out for a drink together, banter like you’ve just met.

Stimulate each other’s sense of humour. According to a survey by Pfizer, makers of Viagra, 92 per cent of Canadians rated laughter as one of the best aphrodisiacs and 96 per cent said it’s an important element when it comes to keeping sex and romance alive.

Sadly, though, more than half (66 per cent) of Canadians said they need to put more effort into making their partner laugh more often, with one in four saying they only find something to laugh about two to three times a week and eight per cent admitting they only laugh with their partners once a week.

So, go to the park and push each other on the swings. Play on the monkey bars, slide down the slide. Have a pillow or a tickle fight. Have a staring contest and see who cracks up first.

Stimulate each other’s intellect. In the early days of your romance, you talked into the wee hours dissecting the meaning of life, love, your pasts, your future together, whether Paris Hilton is a sign of the decline of civilization or a subversive feminist icon. Now you find yourselves having the same conversations every night over dinner — how was your day, what time do the kids have to be picked up from soccer tomorrow, is it time to flip the mattress?

There’s certainly comfort in the familiar, and sharing the mundane details of your day-to-day life can be reassuring, even sweet. It can also be incredibly romantic to be comfortable enough with one another to enjoy content silences together. But enjoying stimulating conversation together keeps you excited about one another. Just as your sex life needs to be occasionally jolted out of its rut, your conversations might need some kickstarting.

So go to an art gallery or museum together. Start your own two-person book club. Keep a jar for conversation topics and whenever you think of something, write it down and toss it in — then, after dinner, pour a couple brandies and pick a topic. Come up with something you both want to learn more about. Do individual research and plan a romantic dinner date to discuss each other’s findings.

Stimulate each other’s imagination. A simple “mmm...” put before a “thinking of you” text sent in the middle of the workday suddenly makes it suggestive, sparking your partner’s sexual imagination. If you’re feeling extra-creative, pen your squeeze an erotic story, or simply recount a memorable one from your past in a discreet voicemail message. (Be sure to send a followup text letting them know they should be sure to listen to their messages in private.)

Obviously, as with anything these days, be aware of privacy issues. If you text your partner a racy picture or send a steamy e-mail or video clip, make sure it’s not going to end up in the wrong hands and turn you into the latest viral message sensation.

Send your partner a daily e-mail, including one thing you find sexy about them. Leave a Post-It note on the mirror before you leave for work telling them to text you one thing they’d like you to do for them tonight. Mail your partner an old-fashioned, handwritten love letter, complete with fancy stationery and envelope.