Dear Josey,
I was with a group of friends the other night and somehow the discussion got around to the expression “popping a girl’s cherry.” None of us knew where this expression comes from or what it actually means. Do you know? Then we started talking about the hymen and trying to figure out whether it had any physiological purpose. Does it?
-Questioning the Popping

Dear Questioning,
According to Jane Mills’ Sexwords, the expression “popping her cherry” may have evolved from the fact that in the 16th century, “cherry” was a term of endearment for a woman. The word likely derived from the French “cherie,” which means “beloved.” (It’s also where we get the word “cherish.”) Later the term “cherry pie” became an affectionate term for an attractive woman. Back in the charmingly sexist 1950s, men interpreted this to mean that women were actually like a sweet cherry, ripe for the picking, and “cherry” became a euphemism for the hymen and female virginity.
As for its purpose, some claim the hymen keeps germs and junk out of the vagina while it is still developing, but other than that, it doesn’t do much but cause grief to those who live with religious or cultural beliefs that require a hymen to be intact in order to prove a woman’s virginity — which is ridiculous, given that sex isn’t the only way to “pop a cherry” and that some girls are even born without a hymen.
Sadly, some folks are only too willing to cash in on these beliefs and Gigimo, a Chinese sex shop, advertises an “artificial virginity hymen” online for $29.90. The product consists of a plastic bag filled with red liquid that is inserted into the vagina so that when the woman has sex, the bag will break and just enough red liquid will be released to make it appear as if it’s her first time.
I’m not sure what’s more disturbing: the fact that this item is actually available or the fact that officials in Egypt are trying to ban the product and some are even calling for punishment of Muslim women who use it to fake their virginity on their wedding night.

Dear Josey,
I don’t have a boyfriend, but there is this guy whom I’ve been quite caught up in for a number of months. Our “relationship” (I’m not sure what it is really) started at a party over a year ago where we ended up making out and he performed oral sex on me. I wouldn’t go down on him, though, because I thought it was gross. We didn’t see each other for over a year, but we met up twice again at parties and the second time we went all the way. It was my first time. Afterwards, he never called, but this is expected. Boys are like that. I don’t really have an emotional attachment to him, as he’s not the kind of person I would like to date, but I would still like to be friends. However, it’s been three days without so much as an e-mail, and I think I’m worth at least that. (Just so you know, he tends to “get around,” so it’s not like he’s shy.) Any advice?
-Party Girl

Dear Party,
You say you don’t have an emotional attachment to this guy yet you say you are “quite caught up in” the “relationship.” Sounds a little contradictory, don’t you think? Rather than trying to be all cool about it, let’s just be honest, shall we?
You like this guy, you went all the way with him, and now he’s not getting in touch with you and you’re upset and feeling a little regretful about the whole situation. This is perfectly understandable. What he did was pretty crappy. I’m sorry, but boys aren’t simply “like that.” In fact, that’s the kind of attitude that lets boys believe they can be “like that” by not making them accountable for their actions. It’s not nice to sleep with someone and then not call them, whether you’re a girl or a boy.
Of course, that doesn’t mean people don’t do it all the time. People are a pain that way. But that also doesn’t mean we have to waste our time on these people. You are definitely worth “at least an e-mail” and so much more. I just wouldn’t expect it from a guy who thinks its okay to go all the way with someone at a party and not follow up (especially when it was that someone’s first time). Don’t let his bad behaviour make you feel bad about yourself.
As for wanting to be friends, I don’t know. I somehow doubt this guy would be the best “friend” material. I think you’d best let this one go. Oh, just one last thing: going down on a guy you barely know at a party may seem gross, but doing it with someone you care about and who cares about you can be a lovely thing. Don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it.