Like Barbies and Easy-Bake Ovens, sex toys are often thought of as strictly girl playthings. Cory Silverberg thinks this is a shame. The certified sexuality educator and a worker-owner of Toronto’s Come As You Are sex shop says that boys can enjoy toys too. I spoke with him recently about that very subject; here’s our conversation.

My Messy Bedroom: What are some of the ways that guys can get pleasure using a vibrator?

Cory Silverberg: Vibrators aren’t made for certain bodies; they just move really fast and skin, muscle, and nerve endings respond to this movement. So guys can get pleasure using them externally, on the penis, scrotum, or the perineum. But a lot of vibrators for guys are also designed for anal penetration, which is something more and more men we talk to are exploring. Men can have orgasms from vibration alone, and what I hear from a lot of guys is that a vibrator introduces them to a completely different way of having an orgasm. Men are so used to one type of stimulation, and vibrators can be powerful enough to take them over the top in a completely different way.

MMB: What are some of the social and psychological barriers that stop men from experimenting with vibrators?

CS: Most men are raised with a very narrow understanding of what it means to “be a man.” And anything that doesn’t fit into that tiny box is a no-no. So I think the biggest barrier is that vibrators are perceived as something that is “for women” and that if you’re a guy and want to use one, there’s something wrong with you. Nothing could be further from the truth. The other significant barrier is around anal play. There is still a belief that if a guy enjoys anal pleasure it means he is gay. But sexual behaviours are not the same as sexual orientation, and wanting to feel pleasure in any way doesn’t “make” you one thing or another.

MMB: What if a guy wants to experiment but is worried how his partner will react?

CS: It should start with communication. You don’t necessarily want to bring it up during sex, but you might start a conversation based on something you read or saw online. I also think it’s important to understand how much our narrow — I’d say dysfunctional — understanding of gender gets in the way. After all, if a woman feels pleasure from using a vibrator, why on earth would she want to deprive her male partner of the same pleasure? And talking about sex toys can actually help partners unpack some of the assumptions that may be holding them back from intimacy or pleasure.

MMB: What if a woman wants to introduce her male partner to the idea?

CB: If she has her own vibrator, she can introduce it into their sex play together. I find that once a guy gives himself permission to feel a vibrator on his body, he usually responds positively (but not always, we’re all different). You could also take him to a sex store, just to look and then talk about it afterwards. Of course talking about it means taking a risk, because we’re not encouraged to talk honestly about sex.

MMB: What toys would you recommend for a beginner?

CS: It depends on the guy, of course, but you want to get a toy that’s strong enough, since most men are used to a lot of friction-style stimulation. To this end, the ideal vibrator is the Hitachi Magic Wand ($70), as it’s multi-purpose and very strong. You can also buy attachments for it that are safe for penetration. Another suggestion is a vibrating penis ring. These aren’t usually strong enough to give a guy an orgasm, but they fit around the base of the penis and add extra stimulation to sex play. One of our most popular rings is called the Mini Double Dolphin ($42), which has two motors, one for the guy wearing it and one for his partner. Another good beginner toy is the Orchid ($22), which is very popular for women but also nice for external use on men.

MMB: What would you recommend for someone who wants to experiment further?

CS: There are lots of great high-end sex toys for men. Bo ($85) is a Swedish designed rechargeable vibrating ring from Lelo. It runs for four hours on a single charge and is the most powerful vibrator of its kind. Billy ($129) is a new Lelo product that has the same great design, power, and durability, but can be used for both external and penetration play. Finally, there is a line of vibrators made for men to use on their own. The smallest is called the Naughty Boy ($72). It’s silicone, has a removable motor, which makes it easy to clean, and provides both prostate stimulation and external stimulation of the perineum.

All toys mentioned are available at comeasyouare.com.