FOOL’S GOLD
Directed by Andy Tennant. Starring Matthew McConaughey, Kate Hudson, Donald Sutherland. Now playing.
1 Star
Matthew McConaughey is a specimen; there’s no doubt about it. Less man then amazing. His musky charm brings you in and his lulling southern drawl keeps you there. I bet he smells like sandalwood. He’s a masterpiece in isometric excellence. I can close my eyes and picture him doing heel-behind-ear yoga in a sweat lodge he made himself... smiling that impish smile, chanting something he learned from a Cherokee shaman.
Okay. This may sound weird, but I think Hollywood is trying to get me to fall in love with Matthew McConaughey. That’s the only reason I can think why this actor has played the same role in just about every movie he’s ever appeared in, from Dazed and Confused to Failure to Launch. Why else would he play nearly the same, recognizable rogue in all of his movies? Unless he’s not a very good actor.... Huh.
Anyways, Fool’s Gold follows treasure scavenger Ben “Fin” Finnegan (McConaughey) as he searches off the coast of Florida for the fabled treasure of The Queen’s Dowry, a mysterious sunken booty whose history gets more and more convoluted every time it’s mentioned. The Dowry has cost Finn everything, including his marriage to Tess (Kate Hudson). As she so casually mentions in the divorce proceedings, the main attraction was physical, but she now sees him for the shiftless dirtbag he really is. It’s official: the papers are signed. They are through.
Well, maybe one more caper. Finn talks Tess into one more look for the Dowry after proving its existence. In a happy bit of coincidence, Tess just happens to be working on a yacht owned by an elderly but understanding billionaire (Donald Sutherland). Meanwhile, some hip-hop gangsters (or is that “gangstas”?) to whom Finn owes money start a hunt of their own. Let the shenanigans ensue.
“Miss by an inch, miss by a mile.” That’s an old treasure-hunting proverb that Tess uses to describe her relationship with Finn. It’s also a fitting description of the movie. I would have liked to have seen more of the seamy underbelly of the treasure-salvaging business. Fool’s Gold hints about a dark side to the golden beaches and clear blue waves of the Florida Keys—hints but never delivers a payoff. Ideally, in a caper movie, I want less Jimmy Buffett and more Elmore Leonard.
What Fool’s Gold is really missing is a sense of discovery—and this adventure movie is supposed to be about treasure hunting!!! Okay, an adventure/romcom, but I don’t think that I’m expecting too much. Or maybe I am. Maybe it’s all been done before and we peaked at Romancing the Stone. The actors seem to have caught on to this fact. They all seem bored, or sometimes even surprised to be there. I’m not too sure anyone read the script before filming, and I know there was one. I counted three screenwriters in the credits. I suspect that the Powers That Be were relying on the fact that what theatre seats McConaughey’s toothy, off-centre-but-perfect-in-every-way smile wouldn’t fill, Hudson’s almost constant, super-cutesy “Oh, you,” girl next-door quality would. Everyone knows that adding equal parts McConaughey and Hudson causes an immediate and reliable chemical reaction. I hear mustard gas works under very similar principles.
The supporting actors seem to be suffering through the awkward pauses between McConaughey’s charms and Hudson’s deep, exasperated sighs. It’s like they’re “in character,” but secretly aware that any moment someone’s going to stop them and tell them that the entire movie has been a horrible prank. Ray Winstone (Sexy Beast, Beowulf, and the upcoming Indiana Jones sequel) plays Moe Fitch, Finn’s mentor and eventual rival for the Dowry. He’s one of my favourite actors, and when I saw his name in the credits, I got a little excited. But by the time he actually did appear (about 15 minutes in), it was too late. By that point, Ray Winstone could sing “Happy Birthday” to me personally and I’d still think this movie blew.
