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Perhaps The Only Part Of The Film That Is Not CGI-Enhanced | Megan Fox is caught in the sexy, sexy crossfire in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

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TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN
Directed by Michael Bay. Starring Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Peter Cullen. Now playing.
**

While most people believe that the media gradually desensitizes you to violence and loud noises, I’m fully convinced that Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was designed to deaden your senses even before you leave the theatre. This second big-screen adaptation of the popular ’80s cartoon will leave you shell-shocked, bleary-eyed, and possibly drooling. It’s a summer blockbuster that could also be used to break the wills of POWs.

Continuing his noble, long-fought war against silence, director Michael Bay somehow exceeds his usual blowing-the-shit-out-of-everything quota in Revenge of the Fallen. Shia LaBeouf stars, reprising his role as smug-little-wiseacre Sam Witwicky. Two years after the events of the first film, Witwicky is now in the process of moving away from home to college, leaving behind his parents, his Autobot protector Bumblebee, and his girlfriend Mikaela (Megan Fox) when he accidentally touches a leftover shard of the Allspark and has an ancient language from the Transformers’ home planet of Cybertron imprinted on his brain. Freshly revived from the depths of the ocean, Megatron and the rest of the Decepticons intend to use the symbols in Sam’s mind as a map to a hidden source of Energon on Earth that will allow them to awaken The Fallen, Megatron’s master, who is trying to destroy the sun and ...

Ah, who the hell cares? You’re not here to see plot (although Bay certain provides more than you need). You paid good money to see things explode. In that respect, Bay delivers in droves and he really ups the ante from the first film. Give Bay enough soldiers, bombastic music, and gigantic robots beating the hell out of each other, and he’ll do something impressive with them.

It’s the parts between the explosions, few as there may be, that ring hollow. Bay is at his best whenever his dialogue consists of words like “intel,” “NORAD,” or “squadron”; ask him to generate chemistry between a boy and a pretty girl, and the results are laughable. (There’s something touching in the way the only way he can think of to shoot a scene with LaBeouf and Fox talking about love is to furiously pan his camera around them.) It’s been said before, but it’s true: Bay’s robots exhibit more personality than his humans — unfortunately, those personalities include blatant racial stereotypes like the jive-talking, gold-toothed twin Autobots Mudflap and Skids.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to give audiences a fast-paced, awe-inspiring spectacle. But there’s something to be said for restraint as well, and Revenge of the Fallen borders on sensory overkill. Even the most ADD-addled child may have trouble following the CGI blurs of the robot battles, and at 150 minutes, the film is exhausting, not exhilarating. You don’t have to shut your brain off to enjoy Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen; the film will shut it off for you.