Method Actor Smash | Edward Norton experiences a surge of gamma radiation in The Incredible Hulk
I had some pretty high hopes going into this one, seeing as it was only a few short weeks ago that Marvel Studios blew my comic-loving mind with the astonishing Iron Man. In fact, at the time, I declared it the best superhero movie since Superman.
But I’ll let you in on a little secret: I was secretly hoping that The Incredible Hulk would kick Iron Man’s ass. After all, if Hulk was a hit, it might make the terrible 2003 version directed by Ang Lee a little easier for us graphic novel geeks to forget. (Lee called it a thoughtful study on every man’s battle between his rational mind and the monster inside. I called it boring.) Even after that miscalculation, my soft spot for Ol’ Jade Jaws remained. So when Marvel announced they were going to produce another Hulk movie (not so much a sequel as a do-over), I, like fanboys everywhere, let out a happy little “Whoopee!” After all, Marvel has a new moviemaking mandate: high budget comic adaptations; written by, directed by, and starring the best talent in Hollywood. In other words, no more crap!
And things were looking good for The Incredible Hulk too, with a story and script by geekmeister Zak Penn (X2), direction by Louis Leterrier (who made The Transporter, one of the more frenetically enjoyable action movies of the last decade), and an all-star cast of Oscar darlings and Liv Tyler. How could they go wrong?
Sadly, though, the latest incarnation of the Green Goliath has nothing new to offer—just more of the same mottled-skinned CGI monsters, migraine-inducing sound effects and a sickeningly hollow sentimentality that tries to pass itself off as heart. More inept than incredible, this version of The Hulk left me unhappy and unsatisfied; I stomped out of the theatre an angry grump... and you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.
When we (re)meet Dr. Bruce Banner (Edward Norton) it’s been over 150 days since his last transformation into The Hulk. He’s been living a life in exile, doomed to a fugitive’s existence in South America, working in a bottling plant by day, searching for a cure for his “special condition” by night. Through a series of flashbacks, we witness how Banner used himself as a guinea pig, exposing himself to harmful levels of gamma radiation which causes his cellular structure to mutate in times of stress or anxiety.
Hot on Banner’s trail is the single-minded General Thunderbolt Ross (William Hurt), along with the military complex assigned to bring The Hulk down. Banner and all the green goodies floating in his blood are considered property of the U.S. military, and they want him back.
As secrets about The Hulk’s accidental creation come to light, Banner is confronted by shifty covert-ops agent Emil Blonsky (Tim Roth), who, after undergoing some gamma exposure of his own, acquires enough physical power to rival even The Hulk—power that leaves him hungry for more. Banner is forced to make an impossible decision: live the life of a hero and surrender control of his inner-monster to shadowy forces desperate to exploit it, or keep running in hopes of finding a cure somewhere along the way.
This movie is a hot sticky mess from top to tail. I had a hard time following it right from the first scene... and once the CGI starts (we don’t glimpse The Hulk until nearly 15 minutes in), it’s nearly impossible to tell what’s what. The action is too frantic to follow, the script is too self-aware, and the performances are wooden to the point of hilarity—with the exception of William Hurt, whose glassy-eyed commitment to his part nearly redeems the whole sorry enterprise (and hopefully guaranteeing return appearances in upcoming Marvel Universe projects like Iron Man 2, Captain America, and The Avengers).
But the biggest letdown is The Hulk himself. The monster doesn’t look like a destructive force of nature so much as a screaming glob of gray snot.
Hollywood, consider this your last warning! Stop making crappy comic-book adaptations or...
JAMES SMASH!
Okay, maybe not. More like...
JAMES POUT A LITTLE! JAMES GO HOME, EAT SOME KRAFT DINNER, AND WATCH LOU FERRIGNO DO IT RIGHT!
