IN THE NAME OF THE KING: A DUNGEON SIEGE TALE
Directed by Uwe Boll. Starring Jason Statham, Ray Liotta, Ron Perlman, Burt Reynolds. Opens Fri, Jan 11.
1 Star

Uwe Boll’s finest touch on In The Name of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale: decking out the evil magician Gallian (Ray Liotta) in a Wayne Newton-esque sequin-bedazzled scarf and dinner jacket number. Why? You almost feel you’ve reached the zenith of the director’s grab bag of corner-cutting videogame-fanboy fantasies in a single leap. It’s a general rule that campy can be fun but when we’re meant to take this kind of thing seriously... well, I’d rather get myself down to Vegas and catch ol’ Wayne.

Like so many of Boll’s previous efforts, ITNOTK is based on a popular videogame—this one follows the standard sword-and-sorcery peasant-becomes-hero formula. Boll’s plots are always paper-thin and the action better suited for pixelated cutscenes, but that doesn’t stop him from turning these silly little yarns into feature-length films at a dizzying pace. 

This latest bit of dreck stars Jason Statham as the aptly named Farmer (because, as Boll so cleverly points out, “We are only what we become”... ugh), a hard-working peasant in the kingdom of Ehb who loses his wife and son to a bloodthirsty “Krug” army under Gallian’s command. Gallian plans to use this band of murderous beasts to topple the King (Burt Reynolds) and install the King’s dopey nephew (Matthew Lillard) in his place. 

And that’s that. With the exception of some pretty shots of British Columbia’s lower mainland and maybe one or two action sequences for those who love a good Tony Ching-choreographed punch-up, the film is a staggering two and a half hours of hackneyed, forgettable filmmaking. 

But where the film truly fails, even by the low standards of videogame adaptations, is the unusual amount of wasted talent onscreen. Jason Statham is going to be the go-to guy for action flicks for years to come and Ron Perlman has an endearing, rough-and-tumble John Wayne thing going on. Laugh if you will, but when Statham chops wood à la Charles Bronson in The Magnificent Seven and Perlman struts around with that big, booming voice you’ll be charmed to bits. You really have to wonder what they’re all doing here. Even Ray Liotta, whose career-defining performance in GoodFellas (directed by Martin Scorsese, for crying out loud!) launched him briefly into the ranks of solid, A-list performers, cannot help but seem wooden with a script this bad.

Dragging a cast like this through an Uwe Boll videogame movie is a little bit like trapping Laurence Olivier in a Grade 10 production of King Lear—only here the costumes are borrowed from boxes in Peter Jackson’s garage instead of the prop room, and the audience isn’t forced to clap along for the kids and say “Great job! You tried hard!” If this is what Boll does with a standout cast, we’d best not encourage him.