I hate being right all the time. Well, at least about TV. Especially when it comes to predicting the actions of the CBC.

Last week the Ceeb proudly announced their returning shows, including Little Mosque on the Prairie, The Border, and Sophie. They have a lot to be proud of, such as the highest primetime audience share in six years, and Canadian content up the wazoo.

What got a little more swept under the rug was the precipitous axing of MVP: The Secret Lives of Hockey Wives, jPod, and Intelligence.

Now, when MVP and jPod premiered in January, I predicted on CBC Radio’s Edmonton AM that I’d be surprised to see them still on the air two years from now, but a few months is a shorter lifespan than even cynical I expected. I thought at least they’d get a token 13-episode renewal.

I have some suggestions for Mothercorp (that do not involve barely veiled death threats).

Instead of axing a series after a handful of episodes, strategically develop shows based on a short run. This has worked wonders in British television. If you had produced jPod as a six-episode “Douglas Coupland short stories on TV” type of thing, it would have been easier to promote and easier for audiences to tune into. Then let audience demand and ratings guide the decision to do another six episodes. How the hell do you think the world embraced the genius of Blackadder? Instead of dicking around with promotional blogs, you might have been better off rethinking the whole production and marketing strategy from the get-go.

So you’ve cancelled Intelligence. Oh, the irony.... But here’s a thought. Instead of releasing the DVD of Season One this coming May (after the show has ended), what do you think would have happened had you released it right before Season Two went on the air? Maybe some better numbers, you think? U.S. networks do this all the time now: they release Season One DVDs (think Ugly Betty and Heroes) in the late summer/early fall before the premiere of Season Two. And it works to build buzz and audiences. For some shows, DVD success has saved them from the ax. Stupid stupid stupid, CBC!

I’m not going to complain about the timeslot switcheroo for jPod and MVP because, as I predicted, the original slots were just plain wacky. The guys into hockey and softcore porn are likely to be out on Friday night trying to experience one or the other, and the Gen Y crowd into gaming and shaggy sweaters are more likely to be home or watching TV with friends (no offence meant, simply a generalization about human behaviour). Of course it made sense to flip the shows. It’s just too bad that it didn’t work better. But you would have saved time had you thought about this reality in the first place, and not risked losing audiences with the move. The first questions you should have asked were: who am I trying to reach, and when do they watch?

Instead of trying to be U.S.-lite (or U.S.-polite), how about trying Canadian stuff that’s worked in the past? How about making one night a week (maybe Thursday) CBC “retro night”? A sample lineup: Degrassi Junior High (the original), SCTV, Kids in the Hall, Twitch City, and The Beachcombers. Done. Three hours of quality entertainment that appeals to viewers from 15-55, easy. Guaranteed ratings based on nostalgia and novelty together. And it’s cheap to put on the air! You could even work DVD promos of new CBC shows into the commercial breaks.

In the meantime, we have another season of Heartland to look forward to. Sigh. I’m begging you, please consider recommendation #4.