We all know that the course of true love never did run smooth. And this season, my love for TV has had its ups and downs. This Valentine’s Day, I want to write a love letter to Television. But I feel a little like an older woman dating a wildly younger man—I know our relationship doesn’t make sense to a lot of people, but I just can’t give it up.
My domestic partner (aka TV) has a lot to recommend him—he’s always there when I need him, no matter where I am, and I can put him on hold when I want to be alone. He doesn’t mind if I haven’t showered in three days and I’m still in my pyjamas at dinnertime.
But he’s got his faults too. He’s pushy, egocentric, dominates conversations, and keeps me up late with his incessant yammering about how I need to get in better shape and make more money.
And then he decided not to put out for the last three months, which got a little frustrating. We’ve made up now, and I’m looking forward to a romantic spring. But now I’m wondering if maybe it’s time to start playing the field a little more.
I have a friend who has been having an affair with Books for decades. Shocking, I know, but it works for her. People look at her funny when she’s on a date, especially in fancy restaurants. But she swears that the satisfaction level is hot hot hot, and it’s so easy and fun to travel with Books. Half the time when I travel with Television, he’s on a different wavelength from me, and I can barely understand him.
Another friend of mine just flung himself into a fling with Videogames. This I don’t see lasting long. She takes up all his time and sucks all his energy so there’s nothing left for anything else. True love? Ha! Unless you like showing up to work with red eyes and having everyone in the office thinking you’re on drugs, Videogames is a short-term relationship option in my mind. And frankly, I think she gets off a little on violence and being dominated.
The only other relationship that I’ve seen work out long-term is one with Music. It’s a pretty private relationship. Occasionally they go out dancing or to a concert, but for the most part they stay home or make out in the car. Actually, I’ve seen some pretty heinous PDAs with music on the bus, which I’d rather forget. And Music is pretty vocal in the bedroom (if sometimes repetitive). But from everything I’ve heard, Music is a pretty good bet for the long haul. It’s hard to find the right Music, though. You might go through a few different Musics before you find your soulmate.
So where should I turn if I’m bored with Television? Maybe I should reconsider my ex, Movies. Honestly, I still give Movies the eye on a regular basis. What’s so attractive about Movies is this larger-than-life attitude, which is incredibly sexy. He likes getting busy in the dark, which suits my insecurities just fine. And he moves with the times, which is gratifying. I mean, who wants to date someone who’s living in the past?
My biggest problem with Movies was his obsession with appearance all the freaking time. Who’s looking at me, what do people think of me, blah blah blah. But I’ve found that if you gaze adoringly at Movies for awhile, it’ll give some of that love back eventually.
In an ideal world, I’d string along both Movies and Television until I’m too old for serious action, then settle down with Music or Books in my old age.
But let’s face it: for now I’m with Television, and I gotta keep trying. So Happy Valentine’s Day, Television. Try not to let me down... too much.
