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Bleat Happening | George Clooney stops a goat’s heart with nothing but the power of his mind in The Men Who Stare at Goats.

The Men Who Stare at Goats

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THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS
Directed by Grant Heslov. Starring George Clooney, Ewan McGregor, Jeff Bridges, Kevin Spacey. Opens Fri, Nov 6.
***

Journalist Jim Ronson’s 2004 book The Men Who Stare at Goats told the bizarre story of Lt. Col. Jim Channon and his dream of creating the “First Earth Battalion,” an Army unit of psychically gifted “warrior monks.” If they were trained properly, Channon believed, these supersoldiers would eventually be able to walk through walls, survive in harsh environments on minimal amounts of food, and most importantly, subdue their enemies nonviolently, with nothing more than positive vibrations and a “sparkly eyes” greeting.

It’s the kind of story where you can’t help but say, “Wow, that would make one hell of a movie!” Someone must have exclaimed those very words within earshot of director/producer/George Clooney’s pal Grant Heslov, because the film version of The Men Who Stare at Goats is now in theatres. But here’s the problem. The people who heard about the premise of the book were looking forward to a movie about the improbable culture clash between U.S. military culture and the New Age thinking of Jim Channon. None of them were thinking, “I can’t wait to see a movie about this reporter guy!”

Unfortunately, that’s what Heslov has given us: the film’s main character is a reporter — here named “Bob Wilton” and played by Ewan McGregor — who, freshly divorced and deeply depressed, impulsively leaves his sleepy desk at an Ann Arbor newspaper to cover the war in Iraq. A fluke encounter at a Baghdad hotel introduces him to Lyn Cassady (George Clooney), a former member of the First Earth Battalion who has come to Iraq on some kind of secret spy mission. Smelling a fascinating story, McGregor convinces Clooney to let him tag along, and as they bumble through the desert (spending most of their time either lost or kidnapped), flashbacks fill us in on Cassady’s experiences under the visionary leadership of Jim Channon — here called “Bill Django” and played by Jeff Bridges as a cross between his and John Goodman’s characters from The Big Lebowski.

It’s always fun to watch George Clooney in his off-the-wall comic mode, and I like the way he plays Cassady — who believes he can dissipate clouds with the power of his mind — as the most centred character onscreen. But his relationship with McGregor, which Heslov and screenwriter Peter Straughan place front and centre in the film, feels like a distraction from the most interesting part of the story — namely, the creation of “Operation Jedi” and the absurd rivalries that spring up between the various soldiers all competing to develop their psychic powers. Kevin Spacey gets several very funny reaction shots as a smarmy fellow recruit unable to hide his jealousy of Clooney’s talents.

One of those talents is “remote viewing” — the ability to see events transpiring from thousands of miles away. That’s kind of how you experience the story of The Men Who Stare at Goats: as a curious string of events happening off in the distance. Still, it’s a likable little movie, and just amusing enough to be worth seeing. It’s more fun to stare at than a goat, anyway.