There is much ado these days about Twitter, the greatest form of communication since man first attached a piece of string to a couple of tin cans.

Twitter, for those of you unfamiliar with it (that would be you, dad) is a form of instant communication between friends and followers. The hook is that a Twitter entry (known as a tweet) by a Twitter user (known as a twit, at least by me) is limited to 140 characters. It’s like Facebook for people with ADD.

It’s crazy popular, at least with some. Statistics show that 90 per cent of all Tweets twittered are posted by just 10 per cent of Twits. In other words, some people document every stray thought that comes to mind and/or the excruciating minutiae of their daily lives. I’m on Twitter, although not much of a contributor. I get paid to write, so just giving away my thoughts is like a plumber going door-to-door fixing leaks. However, it is a good mental exercise. I’m kinda wordy as a writer. I like sentences that ramble on a bit, sometimes going off on verbal side roads that are littered with commas, the occasional semi- or full colon and — my favourite — dashes. (I also like parentheses.)

But Tweets are lean, with little room for grammatical gamesmanship. Proper spelling and grammar are optional. So, this week, as a way of sharpening my writing skills. I offer up my first column of random Tweets on events of the past week. They all pass the 140-character standard, although you are welcome to count them if you don’t believe me. 

• Seriously, RCMP? A “stunting” ticket to Dan, the dancing dude? Are you trying to make people ridicule your once-proud organization?

• Maybe “Dancing Dan” got off lightly. The last guy who acted out in public got Tasered in the Vancouver airport.

• Political lesson of the week: if you say something stupid, apologize immediately — in tears if possible. Apologies end controversies.

• More important question to Minister Lisa “Sexy Cancer” Raitt: who does your staff hiring for you, Inspector Clouseau?

• After watching QP from Ottawa, it’s clear nobody feigns outrage better than the spousal team of NDPers Jack Layton and Olivia Chow.

• How does the Alberta insurance industry justify even hinting at a 40% hike in premiums? Based on what, a whim?

• CTV Edm ran two promos and 3 min. segment in first 20 minutes on Chastity Bono sex change on noon Friday. Save (us from) local TV.

• Saw lady near WEM Saturday wearing a full air filter mask. Either has terrible allergies, or morbid fear of H1N1. Either way, sad.

• Discover that weed-n-feed no longer available. If that’s the way you want it, fine. Lawn now 85% dandelions, 10% grass, 5% other.

• Worst use of television technology ever? I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. Philo T. Farnsworth must be spinning in his grave.

• Most questionable use of the word “celebrity” ever: I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. Who are these people?

• Penguins win the Stanley Cup! Penguins win the Stanley Cup! I don’t care! I don’t care!

• No rioting reported in Pittsburgh after Penguins Stanley Cup victory. Huh, and they call themselves hockey fans. 

• Pittsburgh has Stanley Cup and Super Bowl wins in same year. Time for Edmonton to officially retire “City of Champions” claim. 

• Entering dark period between end of NHL season and start of CFL season. I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here suddenly looks not so bad.

• I am a 53-year-old adult male. Shouldn’t I be past the stage of enjoying Kool-Aid on a hot day?

• Revered spiritual leader Aga Khan awarded honorary degree from U of A. Wouldn’t Aga Khan be a great name for a wrestler?

• Refuse to see Pelham 1 2 3 remake, cause original is a personal favourite. Also refuse to pay $12 for a stinking movie.

• Larry the Cable Guy coming to River Cree casino Nov. 11. Show will be sometime between 9 p.m. and midnight.

• Far right a-holes Rush Limbaugh & Ann Coulter to speak in Calgary to raise money for lobby group. Is Calgary even part of Canada anymore?

Maurice Tougas is the former Liberal MLA for Edmonton-Meadowlark
mauricetougas@live.com