I’m no believer in alternate timelines—a thing either happens or it doesn’t. Possibilities past are moot. However, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t count ourselves lucky to still have The Frosted Tipz jamming among us. Headbanging guitarist Curtis Ross and singer Amy Van Keeken tell the tale of being billiard balls on the highway while driving home last week. Ross begins it:
“The visibility was starting to get quite bad, and out of nowhere I saw that all the traffic ahead of us was stopped. I started to slow down and was a little freaked out we wouldn’t stop in time, but we weren’t sliding out and I was still in control. So we were going to be all right.
“That is, until I looked in the rear view mirror and saw an armada of speeding cars headed for us with no ability to stop. I pulled left and one passed us and hit someone else; I moved over another lane and the same thing happened again. I finally made it the left-hand shoulder where it seemed safe and came to a stop.”
Van Keeken continues: “Then, a flying Honda slid into us and ricocheted into the ditch. The three of us sat, sitting ducks—no, sitting fucks—watching cars whiz by us and bash around like bumper cars. Vehicles roaring and skidding into the ditch. The sickening thud and crunch of vehicles smashing together. Alan announcing, “Oh my God! Here comes a semi!” And then the powerlessness, the trapped feeling, and then elation as the semi plowed by and hit nothing.”
The band emerged from the incident safe and sound, thankfully.
“In all honesty, I was so fucking terrified I felt like puking,” says Ross. “We have no idea yet what’s the story with the White Lion—our van. She looks pretty rough.”
Amy finishes it. “We drove home, snow falling in the van through the shattered window. Both guitar cases crushed, guitars fine. We played the show that night at Jekyll & Hyde, our best one of the three-day tour. Shell-shocked but surrounded by friends, each other... and booze.”
After some hard work on the road and a lot of positive PR—including noisy nods from Sonic and this very magazine—Hot Panda is now poised to export its spaz-rock sound to a wider audience after getting signed to Mint Records of Vancouver this week. During the runup, to avoid inking a Devil and Daniel Mouse contract in blood, singer Chris Connelly talked to Victoria’s eternally-pushed Immaculate Machine. Response was barely cautionary, largely embracing.
“We were just trying to [see if] there was anything we should look out for, them being experienced with Mint and all,” Connelly explains. “We’re babes in the woods. I just asked them for their thoughts on working with Mint. They gave a few little specific things, but ultimately said ‘It’s a good idea, go for it, welcome to the team’ kind of thing.”
Mint notably handles Neko Case, New Pornographers, and John Guliak, who recently moved from Edmonton to Scotland with his wife. After the FedExes are exchanged, Hot Panda can expect to see a spike in promotion, better gigs, and, hopefully, untold millions. They may have to hang out with Nardwuar more now, though.
Capping things off on a cultural note, some Calgary friends reacted strongly to The ARTery’s Wet Secrets/Belgium party the other night which featured Field & Stream’s Nik Johnson being hoisted over everyone’s heads for most of the show and a subsequent degeneration into an underwear dance marathon, both genders stripping down to striped panties.
“This would, like, never happen in Calgary,” I was told several times by a southerner looking for more to drink. I recommended a new shot we’ve invented: the Two-Faced Baby. In honour of the Indian-born “goddess,” the shooter is one half J.D., wait five seconds, then top it off with more Jack Daniels.
