A nameless musician friend of mine (such cruel parents) came up the other day and told me about something he calls the Tractor Factor. Basically, and without any editorializing, it’s a statistical measurement of how much any live band you’re watching reminds you of the specific qualities one might find in Captain Tractor. You can measure it out of 10 or as a percentage, take your pick. We both laughed a bit at such a funny thing and continued to discuss how it was no one had ever named him, though I thought “Dragonflaps” might be a good start to a new life.

In case you’re wondering which bar won’t let you in with a pair of skates around your neck (though they will hand you steak knives and huge face-destroying glasses of Hoegaarden) look no further than the Rose and Crown, downtown in Sutton Place. Rules are fucking cool, man! The Lonesome Trains of the Republic, a name Ben Sures claims he just made up, played there Saturday night — Pete Turland on his stand-up, Grant Stovel keeping the beats and Greg Demchuk laying down some pretty salacious guitar-abilly. The dance floor was swinging to Demchuk’s plucky notes and Sures was getting the ladies to smell his flower, even after I knocked one of his amps over like a stupid wolverine with the shakes.

Afterwards, some of us went down to Play, where no one cared about my skates, though one coiffed cat said they were “gorgeous.” Toonflash was hanging out in the cubbyhole, though there seemed to be about 11 DJs in the booth at any one time. Why are the gay bars always so much fun? Not much in the way of “angry Oilers fans looking for fights” is part of it, but there’s something so fleeting and vibrant about that entire scene, which seems to float on waves of laughter. Also, the music is happily dumb, endlessly danceable. I know there’s nothing scientific about any of these outsider observations, but I’m eternally grateful there’s a thriving, growing gay community in Edmonton.

A few recommendations for the weekend: As important as the headlining and disgusting Monotonix, Paul James Coutts + Cowls and the Get Down are must-sees Thursday the 21st  at New City, worth the $20 on their own. Politically, we have a march from Corbette Hall (8205-114th St.) to Strathcona Gazebo Park (10310-83rd Ave.) staring at 11 a.m. Saturday against Mr. Harper’s ridiculous habit of proroguing Parliament for fake reasons like “the Olympics.” Less serious and more fun, Amy van Keeken’s rock and roll karaoke party at the Empress has been moved to Wednesday, Feb. 3, and Hot Panda’s Chris Connelly wants anyone lonely out there to head to the Pawn Shop on Whyte on Valentine’s Day, as his band will make sweet Canadian  love to anyone who shows up — oh, wait, no, they actually won’t do that at all. But they’ll play some music!
But don’t bring your skates!