Edmonton (and international) folk fixture Maria Dunn’s tour schedule includes many American dates and, like many Canadians, crossing the border has proven to be a process both difficult and bizarre.

“A few years ago there was this big scare because someone on [folk musician website] Maplepost had said that there was a university professor who had crossed the U.S. border illegally over 40 years ago,” Dunn says. “When he crossed it recently, the border guards Googled his name and banned him from entering the country because of crossing illegally way back when. His children and grandchildren lived in the U.S. but he could never visit them again because he was banned from the country — for life!

“So we were encouraged to Google our own names and see if there was any dirt the border guards could dig up on us. So, though I felt fairly vain, I Googled myself. Besides finding the expected stuff about my music and shows I also discovered there is another Maria Dunn from Missouri who is a female professional wrestler, and who competed in the last Olympics.”

Wow — a double who is a U.S. citizen! How very handy! Except the Canadian Maria Dunn is quite petite — petite enough to play Tiny Tim in Edmonton’s annual Christmas Carol Project: “The only really noticeable muscle I have is a tiny tricep from playing the accordion,” she laughs.

“Well, if the border guards don’t take the time to look it still might be helpful to say you’re a wrestler — you could threaten to take them out if they caused you any trouble,” I suggest.

Dunn agrees, and mentions there’s been a time or two when indeed she wished she were Maria Dunn the wrestler — for instance, when the border guards rose objections over a tiny piece of fruit.

“I had this lovely organic apple in my bag when I was crossing the border,” Dunn says, “but I wasn’t allowed to take it to the U.S. because they didn’t know the origin of the apple.”

“Isn’t the origin of an apple an apple seed?”

“Well, yes,” Dunn allows, “but there was no sticker on this apple to prove it, so they took it away and threw it right in the garbage behind me. I was so annoyed at this total waste — and I had been looking forward to eating this apple all day — so I said something under my breath about it, and next thing you know I was nearly shuffled into another room and held for further questioning.” Which, of course, could lead to getting banned from the country for life — yikes! Maybe everything really does stem from an apple...

“Another time I had a different apple when I was going through security,” she says, “and the border patrol person held me up in the line for a long time about it. Eventually he let me go ahead, but wrote ‘APPLE’ in big letters on my border-crossing card. There was a pilot in the line-up behind me who was getting pretty impatient and then who was behind me again when I went through the next stage of security to get screened, where they then needed to sort through all my bags because of my apple. I was determined to keep my mouth shut this time, but the pilot snickered and said he had never seen such an important apple in all his life.”

“The thing about pilots,” I says, “is you need them to fly the planes, so I guess they can get away with saying things average people can’t.” Though really, I bet world-class wrestlers can get away with a thing or two as well, based on sheer intimidation. People who impersonate Tiny Tim on an annual basis, maybe not so much. 

Maria Dunn (the Canadian folk singer, that is), releases her new album The Peddler at the Bonnie Doon Hall on Nov. 2. If you’re after Maria Dunn the wrestler, I suggest looking for a larger person somewhere in the U.S. — and don’t bother taking any apples on the journey.