Though it may have originated as a legitimate religious festival, St. Patrick’s Day has since become yet another excuse for fratboys and their ilk to binge drink. If you’ve ever been in a pub on Paddy’s Day, you’ll know that projectile vomit, parking lot brawls, and giant fuzzy green hats are a mainstay. Inevitably, there will be some shitty local Celtic band butchering “Danny Boy” in the corner, while drunken folk parade around in “Kiss Me I’m Irish” t-shirts and Elton John-style shamrock sunglasses, clutching a pint of green Kokanee and affecting a fake brogue.

I propose a revolution: let’s take back St. Patrick’s Day and make it a legitimate celebration of Irish culture. Since alcohol is the driving force behind this day, the revolution should start there. On March 17, swap your crappy green beer for some decent Irish drinks (and for God’s sake, lose the sunglasses).

Raise A Pint

Unless you’ve been locked in a leprechaun’s pot of gold for the last century, you’ll know that Guinness is the overwhelmingly dominant Irish beer. While Guinness is enjoyable—and I certainly recommend that you have a pint of the thick, dark brew—there are other Irish ales out there that are often overlooked. Caffrey’s, Kilkenny, Smithwick’s, and Harp serve lager lovers just as well. 

Unfortunately, Ireland does not have a strong tradition of microbreweries, due in large part to Guinness’ early dominance of the trade as well as competition with foreign beers (especially English ones—you confounded limeys!), so you probably won’t find anything local. However, even the mass-produced brews are quaffable, and certainly better than the flat domestic green-tinted swill.

The Hard Stuff

If you’re up for an alternative to beer, or simply can’t stomach the boatload of calories in Guinness (chocolate cake, anyone?), try some Irish whiskey. Ireland’s whiskey industry’s had a rocky history, so it currently does not enjoy the same prominence as its neighbour across the sea, single malt Scotch. However, the quality of Irish whiskey has risen dramatically over the years, and you can find some real bargains—often at a fraction of the price of Scotch.

I like to support the little guys, so I highly recommend trying some whiskey made by Cooley. As Ireland’s only fully independent, 100 per cent Irish-owned distillery, Cooley is as Irish as potato bread. A series of events in the past caused the Irish whiskey industry to teeter on the brink of extinction, and the distilleries only survived by merging. Consequently, until 1989 when Cooley opened, all distilleries were owned by the Irish Distillers company, a subsidiary of the French drinks conglomerate Pernod Ricard. Cooley has since launched a number of high-quality malt and blended whiskeys, and while some are loath to admit it, the advent of Cooley is the best thing that could have happened: it revived competition in a stagnant industry, and new labels are regularly launched by both companies.

A Taste Of Ireland

Cooley has several brands, including Tyrconnell, Connemara, Kilbeggan, and Greenore. I snagged a bottle of the Connemara Peated Single Malt, which was created in the style of single malt Scotch: the barley is dried over peat fires prior to distillation, imparting qualities of smoke, bacon fat, and moccasin leather to the whiskey. It is a very full-bodied, complex, and rich whiskey—if you served this to a Scotch lover they would have a hard time telling the difference.

I also tried three other whiskies of the mass-produced variety: Bushmills ($27), Jameson ($27), and Tullamore Dew ($25). These whiskies are entry-level blends; keep in mind that each of these brands has several other high-end whiskeys with declared ages (i.e., 18 years old). If you are looking for a more premium bevvy, I suggest one of those.

However, the blends are still pretty good, and are great values to boot. Each one is stylistically quite different from the others. Bushmills had a cereal character and a fairly light palate, so it went down much too easily—this one will sneak up on you. Jameson is perfect for those with a sweet tooth with its warm orange tones, rich palate, and oak aromas. Finally, the Tullamore Dew had some nice malty, burnt-sugar qualities and a citrus zing on the finish. At this price, you could easily expectorate a mouthful at the person who pinches you for not wearing green.

It’s bound to be a bender, but let’s make this St. Paddy’s brighter by supporting original Irish drinks. Hell, even a shot of Bailey’s will do.