Angles and Damons
Noun •New home schooling aid in which Matt Damon and his family teach you calculus.
“It’s funny, but even with all the Damons and the slide rules and calculators, Angles and Damons still shone light upon a religious underbelly that I never knew existed. The Damons got it right when they said that religion is entertainment … and easy to learn.”

Atheist Youth Movement
Noun • Alternative to the Christian Youth Movement. “The Atheist Youth Movement is just like the Christian Youth Movement, except they don’t force Jesus down your throat. And only six or seven people show up.”

Frumpanistic
Adjective • Eager to find something self-contradictory in order to put it on public display. “After Susan Boyle’s success, television has become very frumpanistic. From the new Fox reality show It’s Ugly and it Sings Good to HBO’s Heavy Sexy, there isn’t much else to cover, except your eyes.”

Kindergartiade
Noun • A younger, less developed sporting event that Edmonton began pursuing after losing the Universiade. “During the crawling and stuffing-things-in-your-mouth events, I thought the English athlete had it in the bag. But when the Estonian kid scream-vomited during tantrumnastics, well sir, the tide turned.”