GEMINI (MAY 21 – JUNE 20)
You’re no joker, you get the message. It’s time to lay your cards out on the table, no matter what you’re holding in your hand. Yep, it’s the moment of truth where you gotta show them yours as they show you theirs. Don’t be nervous, though. Despite all that huffin’ and puffin’, it ought to be obvious they’re only bluffing!

CANCER (JUNE 21 – JULY 22)
So things aren’t too steady right now. So what? The Earth is wobbling wildly, so why shouldn’t everything on its surface be a li’l bit shaky too? It’s just like walking through the room with moving floors in a funhouse. It may take longer than usual thanks to an awkward stride, but you will get to the door on the other side!

LEO (JULY 23 – AUG. 22)
Whoa there, you ferocious feline! You’re pretty quick on the draw but if you swipe the wrong cat you might wind up declawed. Then you’d be pretty near helpless, wouldn’t you? Instead of pouncing, you should be peepin’ your prey instead. Otherwise it might be you that ends up with something to dread!

VIRGO (AUG. 23 – SEPT. 22)
Well, it’s all starting to happen. Everything’s comin’ together. The zodiac’s favourite lass has got horseshoes coming out her ass and you’ve never had more energy than you do now. See what happens when you’re happy with yourself, even for just a little while? Now go look in the mirror and flash yourself the biggest smile you’ve got and strike that iron’ while it’s still hot!

LIBRA (SEPT. 23 – OCT. 22)
What are you doin’ Libra? You ain’t no snake in the grass. You’re born under the sign of high class! You don’t need shady deals to get you some meals. Your symbol is a scale so you shouldn’t have any doubt that, while things are hard now, it’ll all even out!

SCORPIO (OCT. 23 – NOV. 21)
Ahh, the good life. Don’tcha just love it? Well, you’d better. What goes up must come down, and some jealous jackass out there is gonna do their best to pop your balloon and send it plummeting to Earth. For what it’s worth, you can’t really blame ’em. It was supposed to be theirs!

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22 – DEC. 21)
Don’t bitch about it and don’t try to blame anybody else either. Whether you believe it or not, what you asked for you got. Sure, it may mean a lot more work, but if you give up now you’ll just look like a jerk. Why act like a clown and stop diggin’ when the treasure chest is only a few more feet down?

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22 – JAN. 19)
Got it all figured out, huh Einstein? Yeah, well so did Albert. The big problem is that his bright idea may have solved a long-standing theoretical quandary but it put the world in greater jeopardy than it had ever been in before. What’s yours gonna do?

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20 – FEB. 18)
As forward thinking as you are, you sure seem to be stuck in the past. Some folks say that the devil you know is better than the one you don’t. Hell, what difference does it make? The devil is the devil. If you liked the old one, wait till you get a load of the new one!

PISCES (FEB. 19 – MARCH 20)
Sometimes, love, it don’t come easy. That’s why every once in a while you gotta be sneaky to get some. All’s fair as they say, so pull out the stops and set yourself a bunch of booby traps. Sooner or later someone will step right in and you’ll have them before they even know what hit them!\

ARIES (MARCH 21 – APRIL 19)
Some folks think you rams are selfish ’cause you’re your No. 1 concern. But who else is gonna look after you? You make your own opportunities and you succeed at them because of your initiative and hard work. If anybody understands that if you want something done you gotta do it yourself, it’s you. That’s no selfish lie — it’s efficient and true!

TAURUS (APRIL 20 – MAY 20)
Well, this week there’s good news and bad news. The good is you’ll be supremely successful and have riches beyond any of your wildest dreams. The bad news is it’ll be even harder than it seems since that means you’ll have to get off your almost permanently parked patootie to procure it. Don’t worry, you can endure it!

You can contact The Kid at cruisinthecosmos@hotmail.com