It’s Saturday morning. After watching eight plays over two days in the unholy heat and suffocating sweat of the Cosmopolitan Music Society venue—my assigned Fringe-reviewing headquarters—plus a few too many beers the previous nights, combined with wee-hours writing sessions to get the special Fringe review issue out in time, I decided to spend my last reviewer’s day right: rehydrating and combating heat exhaustion.
Noon: Gatorade, Water, Spitz
I hightail it to 7/11 just before my first show, stocking up on hangover remedies and sunny day supplies. I guzzle some electrolytes in the form of blue Gatorade—which certainly does not taste like blue raspberries (what the hell are those supposed to taste like, anyway?), grab a bottle of Vitamin Water to refill, and a bag of wonderfully salty Spitz. Comes to $8.72. Damn you, overpriced convenience chain.
1:20: My Favourite Busker
I think I’ve seen Tomko Lamb at the Fringe every year since I was six years old. I’m not sure if it’s my Ukrainian heritage, or just because he’s so darn cute, but this smirking dulcimer player gets all my spare change every time I see him hammering away in the busker’s circle. This time it’s an even $3.
3:30 pm: Phone Call
With a dead cellphone battery, I yank out 35 cents to call fellow SEE editor Paul Matwychuk and swear ultimate revenge on him for sending me to the World’s Worst Church Play—aka Joseph and The Amazingly Shitty Dreamcoat: The Basement Tape Version. Guh.
5:20 pm: Chana Masala Fixins
It’s still oppressively hot, and I’m supposed to make dinner for friends (in exchange for letting me camp out on their close-to-Fringe-vicinity couch all weekend). I grab a bunch of chickpeas, tomatoes, and sweet onions to make extra-spicy chana with basmati—because, as we all know, spicy food makes you sweat, and sweat is good at times like these — unless you’ve been drinking shitty draught beer, in which case sweating is highly unadvisable. The Save-On bill is $9.63. Cheap like borscht! And yes, I’m a Slavic girl who happens to cook Indian food. Go figure.
8:45 pm: Back To The Fringe
I head back to the fest grounds to meet the team at the beer gardens, where I shell out $18 for four beer tickets. Of course, you’re only allowed to carry two at a time, so the nice lady at the garden helps me bring the other two to my pals waiting behind the trees. Nice place for a beer garden. Plenty of shade. Plenty of gravel and weird things to trip on too—I mean, drinking regulations should always take priority over safety, no?
11 pm: Midway?
With just over $10 left, I can’t even get into a late show. ($14 per show is insanity. Without review tickets, I can’t afford to have a few beers and be a responsible theatregoer, yeesh.) Luckily, green onion cakes are only $4, and I spend $6 checking out the quick and fun mini-shows in the midway tents—little gems, each one only $2. Now there’s some theatre worth peeking in on.
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