It seems you can’t pick up the paper without hearing hippies, politicians, and alt-weekly journalists talk about how great public transit is for the environment and the city, but when you talk with your friends about the bus, the first thing they’ll discuss is how they wish they could afford a car. With this in mind, we’ve decided to throw the 40 FT New Flyers (the most common model of bus used by the ETS) and a 1996 Pontiac Grand Prix into our Versus ring of death to see which one emerges as the champion of our city’s commuter system.

Horsepower
It’s been a long time since I’ve had to push a bus out of the snowbank (the last time was in Grade 10, but that doesn’t count because it was a short bus), which isn’t surprising considering that the 40 FT New Flyers buses have 280 diesel-huffing horses under the hood. As for pushing cars out of a ditch, well, I don’t like reliving those cold, miserable memories. Let’s face it: the Prix’s 160 horses just aren’t a match.

ADVANTAGE: BUS

Convenience
A transit passenger can wait anywhere from zero to 30 minutes for a ride, and buses stop running around one a.m. We say that sucks. The Prix is way ahead in convenience compared to its doddling public transit counterpart — if the Prix starts in cold weather, that is.

ADVANTAGE: GRAND PRIX

Passenger Room
The bus has two wheelchair positions, 37 seats, and enough standing room for another 36 passengers. That works out to roughly 2.3 square feet per passenger — not too shabby. There’s only room for five in the Prix, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. We’ll give this one to the bus, but please read on.

ADVANTAGE: BUS

Passengers
The bus may have won for passenger room, but that’s also what makes it lose this category. Riding the bus means forcible interaction with some of the city’s most unsavoury characters. The best part about the Prix is the only drunken assholes I have to deal with are the ones I invited inside. Personal vehicle equals no random strangers barfing on my shoes — just good friends.
ADVANTAGE: GRAND PRIX

Smell

Of the thousands of sundry scents one might find on the bus, chances are the aromatic menu will include traces of urine, body odour, and various colognes and perfumes. If only someone could capture and market that scent, eh? Admittedly all of these scents can also be found in the Prix. But when the aroma gets to be uncomfortable for myself or my passengers, I have the licence to do uncork some air freshener.

ADVANTAGE: GRAND PRIX

Cost
Despite the 2008 increase in price for a monthly bus pass to $74.25 from $66.50, it still beats paying $165 a month for insurance plus gas.

ADVANTAGE: BUS

Travel Time

It can take 90 minutes for a bus to traverse the #8 route between Mill Woods and Abbottsfield. That’s a really long time when you have important things to do and don’t plan ahead. The car wins hands down in this one — unless, of course, you’re stuck driving behind a bus. God, that’s the worst!
ADVANTAGE: GRAND PRIX

WINNER: Grand Prix

Sorry, tree-huggers and transit buffs, but the Grand Prix leaves the bus far behind. The city’s transit system just can’t meet the hustle-and-bustle needs of this... er... boom town?