Q: What should you do if you see your mother-in-law rolling around in pain on the ground?
A: Shoot her again.

I know — charming, isn’t it? And there are plenty more where that came from. Of course, while there’s an entire website related to mother-in-law jokes and horror stories (motherinlawstories.com), there’s nary a father-in-law joke to be found. The meddling mother-in-law has long been the staple of TV sitcoms, from Bewitched’s Endora to Everyone Loves Raymond’s Marie. The most father-in-laws can hope for in terms of negative character representation is coming across as a little daft.

Oh wait, there was Archie Bunker. Though he was pretty much a jerk to everyone, not just his son-in-law Meathead.

Still, in general, in-laws have long been an easy target. One survey said that one-third of Canadians would rather do housework than get together with their in-laws. Fourteen per cent would rather pay bills. According to Divorce magazine, in-laws have at least something to do with 25 per cent of divorces.

Though I’d be happier doing pretty much anything other than housework and paying the bills, I have to admit, visiting his folks isn’t the first on my list when I jump out of bed in the morning. They’re lovely people and I’ve always prided myself on “doing parents well,” but taking on a whole other family when you get involved with someone can be an exercise in, well, taking on a whole other family.

It can be traumatizing. And exhausting. Being on your best behaviour for hours or trying to sound interested in what sponging technique his mother used on the newly decorated bathroom. Watching the family dynamic and wondering if your own marriage will also devolve into bickering over whether the TV should be on full blast during dinner. Knowing they’re checking you out, wondering if you’re good enough for their precious son or daughter. Bad gifts.

Alcohol helps.

They always say, “You can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family.” To that saying, I’d add that you can pick your partner, but you can’t pick your partner’s family. But considering it took me to age 30 to come to terms with my own folks, I figure a partner’s family deserved at least a few visits to allow everyone to get used to each other.

The problem is, with your own wacky family, you can tell your mother she’s being a control freak or scold your brother for making some lame-ass homophobic crack. With a partner’s family, you have to bite your tongue or risk ostracism.

The important thing to remember is that, as much as you want your spouse’s parents to like you, they aren’t the ones in a relationship with you. It’s especially important to remember this in the car on the way home (especially if booze helped you get through the ordeal) when you’re about to launch into a rant about everything wrong with your partner’s family and their role in it. The only thing worse than not getting along with each other’s family is not getting along with each other because of it.

If you find yourself challenged by your partner’s kin, keep these tips in mind:
• Set aside differences and focus on common ground.
• Learn to bite your tongue.
• Keep visits brief and infrequent.
• Don’t try too hard at the outset. Trust the relationship will evolve over time.
• Or not.

Of course, not all in-law relationships are painful. In some cases, our expectations of how bad things will be are worse than the reality (no doubt, in part because of websites, TV shows, and movies depicting disastrous in-law relationships).

Chris and Julie have been together for eight years and waited two and a half years before introducing their parents out of fear of what would happen. His parents are laid-back hippies and his dad likes to tell dirty stories while her parents are straitlaced Catholics. When they finally did meet, things went fine. Julie’s parents loosened up and Chris’ dad turned things down a notch.

The truth is, more than two-thirds of the respondents in the survey I mentioned earlier said they actually like their in-laws. Imagine.

Though I suppose a joke about actually getting along with your partner’s family wouldn’t exactly leave ’em in stitches.