First of all, the idea that love makes sex better actually makes my head spin—like a party trick! But it gets worse. The full-size ad I found in the June issue of Glamour depicts two small tubes of personal lubricant. The copy in the bottom left corner informs me that this exciting innovation in sex fun has been especially designed for couples, explaining that “His” is exciting and “Hers” is thrilling. To make matters worse, “when they combine, there’s an amazing reaction.” The website goes on to say, “Knowing it takes two to create a magical encounter...”
The tubes are a basic phallic design—nothing over the top. They are long and sleek, with a rounded tip. They are blue and pink (well, to be fair, a tad more purple than red)—or at least the tubes are; I don’t know what colour the lube actually is. The tubes remind me of the most basic-looking vibrator—the tops even resemble the end where you’d stick in the batteries. In the ad, a subtle white glow emanates from the place where the tubes touch, just to drive the message home. Even in the dark, the helpful colour-coding makes for an amazing, incandescent reaction, akin to love.
So K-Y, let me see if I understand this. Boys are supposed to use the blue lube and girls are supposed to use the pink. Naturally. I mean, gender is as basic as blue and pink, right? The pink kind, for the ladies, creates an exciting lubricated experience on its own but—and I hope you are sitting down—when it’s combined with the blue “male” lube, the reaction is electric... or maybe it’s purple? I don’t know. Thankfully, it appears that the two different genders of lube come in one pack, so you don’t have to individually buy the pink female kind or the blue male kind, thereby avoiding any gender-destabilizing checkout counter awkwardness. And you save money!
What I want to know is, is this lube really as good for sex as love? What happens if I only use the pink kind? Would that be selfish? What kind of reaction do you get with a blue/blue combo—would it be doubly thrilling or singularly disappointing? Is the blue kind really not for the ladies? Is that what the girl kind is for, to prevent a bad reaction from accidentally using the wrong kind? Yikes!
Imagine the mess this will create for sex educators. When I ran this by my friend over lunch last week, she was less than impressed as she contemplated all the schools she visits through Options Sexual Health Association (formerly Planned Parenthood—betcha didn’t know they changed their name!). We both imagined a minor wave of anxiety and a flurry of confused phonecalls to The Sunday Night Sex Show.
I say “boo” to you, K-Y, for your doubly confusing and normalizing lubricant. And I’ll throw in a “hiss” for conflating sex with love—it’s 2008, so can we please stop freaking out about this one? And another hiss for saying “couple = boy + girl,” and for colour-coding your product to reinforce this tired dichotomy. Last time I checked, lube was lube no matter the colour, the flavour, or the tingling it creates in thine nether regions. Ugh.
