The Fandom Of The Oprah | The talk-show host made Wally Lamb’s previous two books bestsellers; will the same be true of The Hour I First Believed?

THE HOUR I FIRST BELIEVED
By Wally Lamb. HarperCollins. 740 pp. $31.95.
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Dear Wally Lamb,

It’s been so long since you last wrote. I’ve missed you. Nine years is a long time to wait, Wally. Was it that fuss with Oprah last time that scared you away? If you don’t want her attention, you’ve got to stop writing books that appeal to her book club sensibilities.

Okay, so She’s Come Undone was about how losing weight destroyed a woman’s life. I get why Oprah’d be all over that one. And then I Know This Much Is True came out. You’d think Oprah wouldn’t be able to remember that title, it’s so long. But she’s a smart one, that Oprah. She put you on TV again and told you and the masses you were brilliant. I understand how that can be very scary for a writer.

So here it is, nine years later, and you’ve finally written another book. Does Oprah even have a book club anymore? Well, watch out, Wally: you’re about to be famous again.

But Wally, what’s with the title? Why’d you have to pick something so unwieldy? The Hour I First Believed? I think I’ve got your number, Wally. You don’t want people to remember the title. You want them to say, “Hey, have you read that new Wally Lamb book yet?” You’re trying a little too hard to get your name in lights, I think.

Anyway, Wally, I have to admit I have some concerns about you. Did you have a bad childhood? Is that what it’s all about? The characters in this book (well, really, the characters in all your books) are so sad and totally screwed up. Okay, so it makes for good fiction. But are you okay? I’m worried.

And you have a thing about incredibly violent inciting events. In your last book, your main character’s schizophrenic brother cuts off his hand. In this book, your main character’s wife gets shot at during the Columbine massacre. And that’s not all. In this book, you deal with 9/11, the effects of the Iraq war, Hurricane Katrina. Couldn’t you write about something good happening to your characters? That’s all I’m saying. As your readers, we need a little hope too.

Okay, so the hope comes in the form of the redemption and salvation of your main character. I get that. You’re deep. That’s nice. But a little lightness of being would be nice too.

How’s your relationship with your wife, Wally? I hope you two are all right. I hope you’re not writing from experience in this book. ’Cause the wife in this one really puts us all through the wringer. And your main character? He’s a bit of a skunk. And a dog. He’s a skunk dog to her, even though he tries his hardest to be there for her after she’s almost massacred at Columbine. Well, I remember Columbine, mister, and I think your dude should have been a little bit nicer to her.

But I gotta say, Wally, I really liked your book. I mean, really really liked it. I guess I’m kinda in the Oprah book club demographic, but if you’re scared of female fans aged 25-50, you’d better start running now. Fast. This book is the kind you start reading on a Friday night. You make a slow cooker pot of chili and you don’t answer the phone and you don’t move from the couch until you’re done. You could have made it easier on us, Wally. You could have edited some more out of the 700-odd pages, but I still loved it. So what if I have carpal tunnel from turning pages? It was worth it, Wally.

Just don’t make me wait another nine years for the next one.

Promise?