The first thing I thought after bearing witness to the dreadfully bad Date Movie was "Oh God, now I have to write a 500-word review. Is that even possible?!" How to stretch "If you’ve seen the trailer for Date Movie and you laughed and this kind of crap is your thing, go see it, cuz you’ll probably like it" into 550 words?

Well, okay, lets start off by giving a brief and to the point plot synopsis taken directly from the Date Movie website: "From the twisted minds of two of the six writers of Scary Movie..."

(Like that’s something to brag about. Oh, man two of the six writers from Scary Movie?!! Fuck, I better get my ass down to North Edmonton Common to see this piece of shit pronto.)

"...Date Movie tells the story of hopeless romantic, Julia Jones (Alyson Hannigan..."

(Better known as Willow from T.V’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer or the "One time, at band camp" girl from the American Pie movies)

"...who has finally met the man of her dreams. But before they can have their Big Fat Greek Wedding, they’ll have to Meet the Parents; hook-up with The Wedding Planner..."

In case you had difficulties understanding the "gags," I should explain Date Movie is a low-brow comedy that spoofs other "romantic" movies. Blazing Saddles spoofed "western" movies, Airplane spoofed "disaster" movies, Scary Movie spoofed–well, you get the picture.

The creators of this monstrosity, Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg, have succeeded in creating a terribly unfunny spoof that actually makes Scary Movie or The Naked Gun series look like high art.

The movie did have a couple of moments that didn’t suck completely (the Napoleon Dynamite bit was kinda okay, and Jennifer Coolidge’s Barbara Streisand spoof wasn’t entirely vomit-inducing), most of the jokes fall uncomfortably flat on their faces, leaving you wondering how something could possibly be less funny than today’s S.N.L or MADtv?

The movie quickly strays from satirizing the "romantic" movie formula, including limp dick spoofs of The Lord of the Rings, Kill Bill, and Star Wars–Return of the Sith, but some of the worst moments actually come when it resorts to spoofing "romantic" movies that span all the way back to the late 1980s, such as When Harry Met Sally and Pretty Woman. Why spoof movies that were released when the majority of the PG-13 teen audience weren’t even born yet? Talk about not having your finger on the pulse.

Date Movie desperately wants to have that winning combination of recent "gross-out comedy with a heart" success stories, such as 40 Year Old Virgin, Wedding Crashers, and There’s Something About Mary, but it doesn’t come anywhere close to touching those masterpieces of the genre. The only way a respectable date should go to see this movie is if a "roofie" is involved.