SEE Magazine
Copyright © 2000. All Rights Reserved
Confronted
I.C.U.
BY THE MOST FAMOUS GUY IN TOWNOops! looks like I forgot to stop off at the Idea Store on my way home. Again. Guess it’s time for another Q/A column. Ah, sweet Q/A . . . you’re too easy, my nearly jokeless friend. It’s time to get X-Treme! This week I’m only tackling questions I don’t really know the answers to! Kick ass.
Q: I’m told that it’s not a good idea to reheat yesterday’s coffee, as its cancer-causing properties increase fourfold if it sits overnight. Or something. Do you know anything about this?
A: No. I mean, it sounds kind of plausible, but . . . it has the ring of something I’d read in one of those countless e-mails my family forwards to me. Personally, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with reheating coffee. In fact, I’m drinking reheated coffee right now, so it’s really quite a coincidence that this question came up.
My advice, though, is to be careful when you reheat coffee, especially if you’re not totally awake when you do it. After getting out of bed, the human mind sort of runs on auto-pilot, handling minor tasks by reflex and you may end up punching your bank-machine code into the microwave’s keypad by accident. The first cup I tried zapping this morning cooked for 96 minutes, 23 seconds. Not pretty.
Please note that that’s not my actual bank-machine code.
Q: What ever happened to Matthias Rust?
A: Whenever I ask people this question, the response is usually something like "why does that name ring a bell," which is a commentary on the fleeting nature of notoriety, I guess. I wonder if the same thing’ll happen to Elian Gonzalez?
Anyhow. Matthias Rust is the guy who, in 1987, flew his single-engine Cessna over a few hundred miles of Soviet territory, buzzed Lenin’s Tomb and landed in Moscow’s Red Square. They threw him in jail, but Gorby released him a few months later.
After that, I have no idea. The Internet was, as usual, no help, although there were a bunch of pages in German that I couldn’t read. Does he have a family? A good job? Does he know kung fu? There’s a guy named Todd Rust who runs a Grizzly-bear spotting and fly-in fishing service in Alaska, but unless it’s an elaborate cover, there’s no connection.
Q: Who’s the Black private dick who’s a sex machine to all the chicks?
A: Shaft. For now.
See, they’ve made a new Shaft film, with Sam Jackson in the title role and I’m sure there’s been a lot of updating going on. Like, I think he’s a cop now instead of a renegade private investigator. Geez! Is nothing sacred?
A: No.
Q: Who said that?
A: Forget it. Nobody. Keep writing, funnyman. The next question is "Who’s the African-American police detective who’s a responsible sex partner for a small number of valued woman friends?"
Q: Shaft?
A: Damn right.
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